Why is forgiveness so hard to give, especially in difficult circumstances? We often think of it as a personal process, saying to ourselves, “When I’m ready to do it I will, but I just can’t now.” Have you ever thought? “I have to think about it, make that person suffer a little longer, they don’t deserve my forgiveness and no apology can make up for the hurt inflicted. Will forgiveness really be enough to heal my wounds?”

Dr. Rutland teaches us that this is wrong thinking. We are hurting ourselves, not the person we need to forgive. Jesus forgave his persecutors on the cross while he was suffering, and he paid for all our sins, including sins that would wound us.

Forgiveness is not a process. It is a choice, and a deliberate decision. It’s like receiving the blood of Jesus as payment in full for every wound we ever have or ever will suffer. The phrase “Forgive and forget,” is not what Jesus taught us, in fact in John 21:16-19 there’s a powerful moment where Peter and Jesus are reunited after Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. In their conversation, Jesus gives Peter the opportunity to show his loyalty and love three separate times — once for each of the times he denied Jesus. Jesus didn’t forget the wrongdoing, and he didn’t say, “Don’t worry about it; there’s nothing to forgive,” because there was. Rather than ignore the wrongdoing, Jesus made a point to forgive and resolve it. He didn’t forget what Peter did, but he also didn’t hold it against him.

Jesus’ forgiveness to Peter doesn’t make light of the wrongdoing; it focuses on the reconciliation. His forgiveness acknowledges the wound, exposes it, and then gives an abundance of compassion and kindness that results in healing and reconciliation.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I make a fresh commitment to You to live in peace and harmony with family, friends, associates, and neighbors. I repent of holding on to bad feelings toward others. I bind myself to godly repentance and loose myself from bitterness, resentment, strife and unkindness. I forgive all who have wronged and hurt me. I’m committed to walk in love and conduct myself toward others in a manner that is pleasing to You. It is written in Your Word that the love of God has been poured into my heart by the Holy Spirit, so it flows into the lives of everyone I know. In the Name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Part of living in forgiveness is allowing the people in your life to think differently or value things differently than you do. This instruction does not mean making room for sinful behavior according to Scripture, just for differences between individuals. Making room for one another is like oil that allows close fellowship to continue with less friction. When irritation arises suddenly inside you, pause before giving it a place. Is there something wrong here that needs to be addressed, or can you just make room for this difference and love this person?